September 19, 2019

Those too-familiar negative refrains that show up in every household….

‘Not fair’, ‘don't want to’ and ‘don't know’ 

Children, like adults, find it easier to frame their complaints in the negative so knowing what to do with the ‘not’s and the ‘don't’ is useful for parents.


Is an easy framing, and often simply translates to - "My way of looking a...

August 22, 2017

Can we, or should we, save them from that......? 

Whilst some children strive for independence and autonomy, others hold back.  For those who constantly seek support, their own resources may not feel enough, and their sense of safety is increased when they can rely on others.  Whilst in itself this is not always problematic, a child who resists ever be...

March 3, 2017


Are you interrupting them whilst they are engaged in other things or are you finding the moments they are available?

(eg a teen’s closed door usually means wait ‘til they come back into the family space)


Are you starting where they are – getting interested in them, what they care about, how they feel…before moving towards your ne...

January 15, 2017

‘Trying’ a concept we all ask of our children at one time or another.  So we tell them you should try harder with math’, or ask them, ‘could you try and be nicer to your brother’?   We want them to put effort into tasks and relationships and believe that additional 'push' will prove worthwhile. 

If you carry out a simple functiona...

November 9, 2015


I just read an article, written by a spiritual pastor, working in a hospice, discussing what people talk about when they are dying.  She reports that family is the over riding theme...those we love, wish we had loved more, withheld love from, desired more love, loved imperfectly and failed to love with any real authenticity.  This is the nature of fa...

October 23, 2015


Parenting is like gardening, simply 'growing' children isn't enough, we want the value add-on of creating something we know will have lasting beauty and endurance!   In today’s world we are very outward focused.  We put a lot of emphasis on planning, completing and achieving tasks.  Much of our problem solving emphasizes ways to get things done and w...

October 7, 2015


Managers require that their subordinates report back to them.  They do a lot of monitoring of others, with an emphasis, sometimes on what is not being done correctly.  They feel the need to tell, explain and communicate their own needs but are, in fact, appraising and assessing the performance of others with a view to changing their behaviors.  They...

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