March 3, 2017

READINESS...

Are you interrupting them whilst they are engaged in other things or are you finding the moments they are available?

(eg a teen’s closed door usually means wait ‘til they come back into the family space)

RELEVANCE...

Are you starting where they are – getting interested in them, what they care about, how they feel…before moving towards your ne...

January 30, 2017

    

Desire and difficulties need to be balanced.  But in our times of plenty it could be that our children's  wanting has become ‘weighted’ and a dominant force in the home.

All children have wants, (adults  too).  Humans want what makes them feel good to avoid what makes them feel bad.  I think our grandparent's generation had more...

January 15, 2017

‘Trying’...is a concept we all ask of our children at one time or another.  So we tell them you should try harder with math’, or ask them, ‘could you try and be nicer to your brother’?   We want them to put effort into tasks and relationships and believe that additional 'push' will prove worthwhile. 

If you carry out a simple functiona...

October 27, 2016

If a child is not ok to lean into what is hard, and endure the frustration….they lose out and lessen their ability to manage difficulty.  Children who avoid, control and drift in challenging situations could benefit from learning to lean into frustration – however their fear of getting angry, tearful or ‘stuck’ may prevent that happening.

Thus acceptin...

September 13, 2016

Have you ever thought of creating consequences WITH (and for) your child??

This blog is about moving from the dreaded nagging and random-on the spot-penalties -

towards constructive and cooperative consequences that are small enough to be carried out, without drama and too much resistance, and significant enough to change behavior over time.

Penalties  a...

June 16, 2016

Is nagging and non-responding wearing you down?   

Tired of hearing yourself instruct???  In some Asian countries you see the traffic police on a high box, above the road, madly blowing whistles and even waving flags…..but not getting much response from the drivers who are too used to this drama and can tune it out.  Are you that parent?  Living i...

May 16, 2016

 

 

No one likes to be wrong….

Children (and adults) often deny their own wrong, and sometimes transplant their errors on to others in blaming. They like to put the ‘wrong ticket’ on to another in order not to look at their own less-than-best behaviour…and this is natural.  We almost teach this to them with phrases such as ‘you made me angry’ and ‘if you...

April 8, 2016

 

 

 

The first thing to consider when bedtime fears occur is whether a child’s fear is related to a specific scary thought, or an accumulation of anxiety that arises throughout the day, and like coca cola bubbles, rises to the surface at night once the day is done.  Night time fears can also be a manifestation of control so the ‘fear’ is secondary to th...

March 6, 2016

This is part of a talk I am giving in a school this week.... and the scary bit with lots of statistics about the over-use of electronics and its influence on brains and behavior I will spare you....but practically.....

  • Ensure parents have screen-free times with children

  • Discuss the need for face-to-face interaction and make sure family-friendl...

February 4, 2016

 

Supporting slow eaters…..

 

You can not control you child’s eating, sleeping or pooping!

You can set useful guidelines, a good example, you can model and prompt, encourage and penalize but too many of any of this and they begin to hold the power. 

Consider whether you have pushed a little too hard, and consciously or not, your child is pushing back or ho...

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