Are you managing or leading in your home?
Managers require that their subordinates report back to them. They do a lot of monitoring of others, with an emphasis, sometimes on what is not being done correctly. They feel the need to tell, explain and communicate their own needs but are, in fact, appraising and assessing the performance of others with a view to changing their behaviors. They aim for things to be done well and review performance with view to increasing productivity and compliance.
Leaders, on the other hand, generate a sense of team spirit. They build relationships more than decide rules, and they ask others to take responsibility. They understand that mistakes are part of learning and that allowing less-than-best is sometimes useful, but they inspire to motivate by focusing on the internal qualities required rather than the external task. So they inspire people to really look at projects, to assess the obstacles they face and to use courage, stamina, patience and persistence in working through those challenges. They don’t ask that others do this ‘for them’ or even ‘to be right’ but enable others to see that doing difficult things, in steps and stages, being able to seek support (rather than have someone looking over their shoulder) encourages a sense of empowerment and ultimately creates the resilience to keep going when things get tough.
Manager negotiate but leaders inspire. Managers are often selling a concept or persuading others towards a goal, but leaders generate a sense of developing pathways towards values. Goals are simply things we achieve, and values are why we do that, so values win out every time. Managers tend to want to look their best, but leaders are open to being vulnerable, and sharing their own struggles in the process of creating open relationships that enable others to reciprocate and share, not only their success, but their mishaps too.
How often are you sharing a vision you want in your family and taking people with you towards that? Communicating instructions and being the time manager who organizes others designates you into the Manager role. With some dialogue, active listening and group suggestions it may be that you could move from the one who ‘holds it all together’ to the one who ‘glues it all together’……and don’t forget to acknowledge all that transpires towards nurturing this.